I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
