Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
