PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
