She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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