apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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