Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Everything about him screamed your future.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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