I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Randomize
