whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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