we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
