I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
