Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
