He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
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