i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
