"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Randomize
