I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Randomize
