Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
