the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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