Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
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