I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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