I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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