I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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