I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
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