I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
