Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
