I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
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