am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
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So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
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No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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