I want to stick my p in your. b.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Randomize
