Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Randomize
