does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
