Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
