She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize