Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
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