I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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