I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.