do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
