my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
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