What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
19 People That Found Pubes In All The Wrong Places
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
These 21 People Came Up With Hilarious Excuses For Their Hickies
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.