So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
