just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
