Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
