in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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