I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
