He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Randomize
