Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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