i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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