So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
