my vag is so smooth its legendary
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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