Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
