His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
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