Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
i will never coherently bang her
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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