That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
