if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
