i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Randomize
