I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
