White coat. Heels.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Randomize
