I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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