So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
