Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
