Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize
