i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
