Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
