Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
They are going to name an STD after you.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Randomize
