He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
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