pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
this hospital has no fireball
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
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