I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
