i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
