This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
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