NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Randomize
