she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Randomize
