remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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