I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
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