I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Randomize
