just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
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