It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
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