I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
i drank out of a bidet.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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