Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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