Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
she was so not down for the gang bang
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
