What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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