she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Randomize
