I'm really into asian looking animals
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
