You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Randomize
