you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
