So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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