Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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