I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
