I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
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