Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Holy shit dude........stairs
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize