Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
