After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
FUCK WHALES
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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