Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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