I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Please, let me fuck your mom
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
