Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
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Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
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The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
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