I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Come see our sink grown plant.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
